This week was better than last week but it was a little rough. This same thing happen to me at the end of the time that I was in Fountain Valley. I have just been here so long that it is hard to be as positive and motivated about the area. But I am trying to be grateful for the small things so that we can have a good last month of the transfer. We got a call this week from Rex. He decided to stay in school to finish his masters degree so he won't leave the seminary and move back here until December 19. He is still getting baptized and everything but not when I'm here. :( I was pretty bummed about that. We haven't seen him in a long time and there is a chance we will see him the week before I leave. But it's okay as long as he gets baptized I'm happy. Halloween was a pretty normal day for us we had to go in and clean after dinner but then the zone leaders told us we had a last minute zone meeting at 8:00. We had no idea what the meeting was about and I think we all got nervous for no reason. The mission has been struggling lately to meet our goals and to be as motivated and united as we could be. I think a big part of it has to do with the fact that 15 missionaries go home with me and then by the end of December 40 missionaries will go home. Just a lot of people are going home soon and so I think a lot of people have kinda started slacking. Anyways President changed our goals to focusing less on finding and teaching with members to bring people to church and helping our investigators progress. Also we have to write down 1 miracle everyday in our "I will hasten my work journal." We have to pray for our zone every morning and night. And the whole mission has to read the BofM by the end of the year. And each missionary has to make vision, goals, and plans for what they want to become by the end of their mission. So I think this is definitely needed and will help out a lot.
We have still had trouble getting Anthony to church (mostly because we can't get his mom to come). But his 2 older brothers have been going to the young mens activities. One of them, Nathan, has been coming to church on his own for the last 2 weeks. Then last week was fast Sunday and the young men president got up to bear his testimony. Then he had all of the young men come up to the stand and then he told them they were all going to bear their testimonies. They didn't look too excited because I think a lot of them probably haven't born their testimony in private much less in front of the ward. They did a good job and Nathan even bore a short testimony about how he was grateful to be here to learn more about Jesus Christ and the church. So that was pretty cool. We have also been visiting this lady in the ward named Sister Talley. She was baptized 3 years ago and then was less active for a while but is coming back to church and is going to go through the temple soon. She still needs more of a gospel foundation though so we try to teach her once a week. We found out she really hasn't read the Book of Mormon that much at all so we started reading it with her. At this point she still doesn't really know its true so we definitely want to help build her testimony of the book of mormon. I really know that the scriptures are what helps us gain more understanding, guidance, and faith in the gospel. I feel like lately I have been able to find answers to a lot of my questions in the scriptures. I read a talk recently by Elder Bednar called "A Reservoir of Living Water." He talks about different ways to study the scriptures and how it really keeps us close to God and on the right path.
So missions have this sneaky way of bringing all of your weaknesses to the surface and making you work through them. I think that for most of my mission I have had to be encouraging and help my companions with their struggles. Then every time I get a solid companion (mostly Sister George and now Sister Moesinger) they need help but not as much so I have more time to focus on myself. I have been praying to overcome the insecurities and doubts I have about myself and my work as a missionary. I know that Heavenly Father is proud of me but I still sometimes doubt if I've done enough or if I've reached my potential as a missionary. I know that I have learned and grown so much though. My mission hasn't been easy but I feel like I've honestly tried my best and given everything I knew how. I just want to leave my mission feeling accomplished and being able to accept my offering of this year and a half to the Lord. I know as I pray for this confirmation that the Lord will help me to know that I've done enough. I feel like I have changed a lot but it can be frustrating sometimes to realize that I still have a way to go. Sister Moesinger always tells me "You haven't changed you're changing. It's a process, you're not done yet." Changing into who we want to become is definitely something that takes a lifetime and that as we look back on the days weeks and months we will be able to see the small moments where we were changing. God wants us to become who we are and he will help us as we strive to be a little better each day.
I like this quote from President Uchdorf's talk in conference "Lord is it I?" about changing. "And if the Lord’s answer happens to be “Yes, my son, there are things you must improve, things I can help you to overcome,” I pray that we will accept this answer, humbly acknowledge our sins and shortcomings, and then change our ways by becoming better. May we from this time forward seek with all our might to walk steadfastly in the Savior’s blessed way—for seeing ourselves clearly is the beginning of wisdom. As we do so, our bountiful God will lead us by the hand; we will “be made strong, and blessed from on high."
He definitely can make more of us than we can on our own. I can't believe I only have one month left. I'm excited for this week. We have some potential investigators we will hopefully pick up and I think that things will just keep going up! Have a good week. :)